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| Are you talkin' to me? |
Yes, this happens in CrossFit. Whether you do it with a group or "Lone Wolf" style, the ass kicking never stops....and if you're fucked up like me, you talk to yourself during this self inflicted beating. I like using DeNiro's voice .... it's fucking perfect if you need to kick your own ass. And don't say that you don't "NEED" to do this. You need to do this......because you need to.....cuz' I said so.....
So.....what truly defines an ass kicking? Most of us that have become enamored over this whole CrossFit thing have figured out a thing or two about ourselves. If you're new to the gig, then you've probably already figured out that these variables; balance, stability, endurance, strength and power - do not happen overnight. You may be comfortable with one or two of these components but have you actually mastered them? And when I say "mastered" please know that it's not an option....you can put in the hours and get better and better...but that's it. The need to perform any movement is directly parallel to your inability to perform it properly....and by "properly" I mean to say "PERFECT". So we look at one movement and the mechanics that go along with it. A seemingly simple AirSquat. Shit, I got that, says the seasoned CF veteran.....truth is if you believe you have it, you don't....NO YOU FUCKING DON'T. You never "have it". Sure there are those moments where the lightbulb goes on and the AirSquat is just so damn pretty. What's it look like at 4am? Or 9pm when you "catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..." -Old School (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0302886/quotes) Sorry - couldn't resist......
Back on point- The point is, that your AirSquat will look different at different times of the day and you'll never hit perfect....close maybe....but never perfect. Mastering movements.....then there's still the myriad of other movements and an AirSquat isn't even performed under load, unless you had your cheat meal the night before.....how can you live with yourself! I mean you still have pizza sauce on your shirt and you're thinking about the crust that's still in the box.....you fat fuck bastard (said Johnny to himself).
Movements....movements......How in the FOCK can one get to all of it? It goes back to the patience thing. I'm speaking from experience when I say that any achievement that I've ever accomplished overnight will jump up and bite you in the ass if you allow it to.
Real life example; I became really good at rolling pistols once.....then when I thought I owned the movement, I stopped thinking about it....I simply drifted mentally at exactly the wrong fucking moment....POP! Yep....I snapped some shit up. Meniscus tear on the rear medial compartment of my right knee - a.k.a. Bucket Tear.....Nice job fuckstick! THAT.....was almost two years ago.
I don't perform rolling pistols anymore - I'm not afraid of the movement, I just have no real purpose for it. Ask yourself that question - What is your purpose for performing certain movements? Challenge yourself and think of why you squat. I have your answer....If you lose the ability to squat.....YOU WILL FUCKING DIE.....that's the beginning of the end. Dead! DED! But what if you lose your ability to do rolling pistols? No biggie......You'll get laughed at when you go to audition for the Circus, but you won't die. Handstand Push Ups? Functional as fuck! I think it's important to learn how to be upside down and be familiar with this body orientation. It creates overhead stability and more importantly body control in the inverted sense. Furthermore, it's therapeutic to enable spinal compression via load/gravity from a different direction. We can argue it the other way too.....It's just about being fucking real and honest man, said the pot-smoking hippie that used to hang out in my college dormatory (psst - his name was DeeMo). Take the HSPU and fuck it up - Here's a novel idea! STOOO-PID! If you've never witnessed my rant about Kipping Handstand PushUps, well, you're in luck. I flat out think Kipping HSPU's are a stupid thing to do. They're as stupid as me doing wreckless rolling pistols. The body can take load when a proper area of base is established. That base must also be able to withstand the load that you are readying for - There are ways to ready any part of your body to withstand load - It's all about exposure over time....real good practical time with real good solid mechanics. In the end, I just don't believe that loading your entire body onto the cervical spine and then recoiling so as to drive into handstand mode is an appropriate way to focus your efforts.....FOR TWO REASONS - ONE- if you want your CrossFit experience to last for awhile and -TWO- if you value the ability to turn your head around (thanks to a healthy cervical spine) while dripping wet from the shower in order to imitate Robert DeNiro from Taxi Driver - "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking to... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK." -Great stuff! DARK and CREEPY.....but still absoulutely great....and a "must do" on your list of daily activities....
So what can we take away from this entry of Johnny's W.O.D. (a.k.a. Shit-Show)? Define your overall objectives in fitness and in life. Then break them down into bite size/realistic pieces. Next, work on your movement/mechanics with focus and mindful presence every chance you get. Listen to your coaches...read material that pertains to your movements, your mind and your body.......practice. Hone your skills on everything you can. Most importantly, BE PATIENT and take the time to work on the movements that matter....Movements that you can honestly say will help you achieve your goals.
Then.....KICK YOUR OWN ASS on a regular basis !!!!!
Define your evolution. What do you want to accomplish? I know what I want.... I want to perform DeNiro impressions naked every day for the rest of my life.....Why? Why the fuck not!
W.O.W. WOD OF the Week
I just did this in my backyard....Good lunger!
*5 RFTx of:
- Big Heavy Fucking Tire Flip x10
- Wall Ball Shot x15
Stay strong & be present!
Peace - Johnny
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